A dose of reality with some ranting at the end! :D

Hey all! I'm sorry for my very sporadic posts at best. I am very sorry for what I have to now tell you. I ate so much this weekend. So. Much. The baby shower had tons of food, my grandma's birthday was this weekend to so of course there was cake and a special dinner. Also, I went to the boy's grandparents house with a substantial amount of his family there and we had a huge dinner. Shoot me. I don't even know how much I weigh at the moment. I'm afraid to step on the scale.
Good news though, is that I did get my hair cut and I love it. :) And so far, I have gotten nothing but compliments on it. I also feel though, however, that it accentuates my chubby cheeks, because there is no long hair to sort of veil them. If I had visible cheekbones though, I would look even better with this hair. So this could be another piece of motivation for me I suppose.
I am so disgusted with myself. No more breaks, no more going easy on myself. I only have one midterm this week so I just need to suck it up. I'm going to make some rules on here to follow, and I HAVE to post if I break any of them.
-No pizza (pizza is my favorite food)
-No ice cream or frozen yogurt
-No cake or pie
-If I get a sandwich from the deli, I can only do so when the boy comes over and only eat half of it.
-Nothing from the "buffet" except salad
-No sausage, bacon, or rice.
-If I get eggs, that's it, nothing else.
-No soft drinks except diet, and aside from that, water.
-No hamburgers or fries
-No hot dogs
-No candy
-I can only have those Nutella packs once a day and that counts as two meals. (so only one meal left)
-Work out twice a day on Mondays and Wednesdays (at least for this week) and every other day work out at least once (including Friday)
-No fast food. Period.
As these rules seem fairly obvious, I think it will help me with staying on track. This will work, I won't fail myself anymore. And this time, I have a system to back up my actions. And the last rule:
-Start reporting on weekends to eliminate binging.
*Rant Warning*
The last one should kick it in the ass too. I should look at this as a positive step. At first a step back but this will make things more permanent. Wish me luck! I WILL report if I have broken any of these rules, I promise. I will do this, I need to. I'm done undoing my work over and over. This is it, and I don't care how much he tries to coerce me to be "healthy" or how much he says "how skinny I am". I don't care how much I feel like passing out or how tired or hungry I am. I have to suffer after binging so hard. The only thing I am listening to is myself and Ana. No room for indulgence. This starts tomorrow morning and I'll be damned if this isn't the most determined I have ever been. He will see my hip bones, and my ribs, the way my stomach sinks in, my face shrinking and my cheekbones starting to show. And he will worry and I will know I am doing well...becoming what I have always wanted and needed. Thin, beautiful, pure.