A close call.

He had found my blog last night. Not that I minded, he knew I felt poorly about my body, and I didn't want to hide anything from him. But before I knew it we were over skype, until about one in the morning, bickering over my eating habits and weight. I could tell he was worried about me but it was still frustrating. He knew where to track my progress now, he would be watching me more closely. When my roommate came in it was late, so we bid each other good night. This morning wasn't much different, and for some reason I was surprised. It was just more heated this morning, I ended up yelling at him. He didn't yell, he just begged. It hurt me that he worried like this, and I didn't want it to come down between my dreams of being beautiful and my dreams of being with him. Why couldn't I have both? He then went on to threaten to tell my mother. I halted, my anger fuming inside me. I sat through my whole class that way. We argued again until I told him to leave me alone, I cried for a few minutes then called my mother myself, figuring it would be better that I get to her before he did. I was right. She understood well what I wanted and why I wanted it, and for this I was thankful. I pleaded with her to talk to him and she did. After their conversation he called me back, and in a much more passive tone apologized, and said he would support me, he just wanted me to be healthy. He also said he wouldn't read this anymore. The rest of the day went along well, and he came over and I compromised by eating. Today was a smoothie, 1/2 a turkey wrap, and then some fro-yo later with the boy. It was relieving, for a moment today I had a feeling that I would never be able to be what I so desperately desired and was working so hard to achieve. It was like surving some variation of an accident, scaring me enough to refocus and try harder. So I guess this whole drama-fest was a good thing. I will be 115.