Gonna do it.

Yipee! Finished a wonderful workout! This is my last start over, after working out it made me realize how much I really wanted this. A sexy, gorgeous body. I saw this girl with a partial six-pack and a belly button ring. People like her are my motivation. So I'm going to keep doing this. I burned almost 500 calories on the elliptical and only ate about 400 so far today. So I'm running on a deficit, which is good. I just have to resist temptation at dinner, I kind of feel like having miso and a salad or something. Even though I already had miso and it has a shit ton of sodium in it, but so few calories! what to do what to do.
I was doing sit ups back in my dorm and I had that awful thought when you just start again, "Fuck, I can never do this, I am okay with my weight I guess, I'll just put it off". But in reality, how long will I put it off? How much more weight will I gain? I just have to remember that feeling of putting my zeros on, and them not fitting anymore, so I have to suck in to even get them on, I have tons of muffin top. One day, I wore them all day, and they were so tight they cut into my hip, I still have a really tiny scar from that day. So enough of this! It's also sooo much easier to work out when you have skinnier people in front of you. :) :)

-Stay beautiful lovelies <3 ^^

I miss you lovelies! :D

This is my focus. I will do this and I can. I just need more self-control, I have it, I just need to implement it again. I don't give a fuck if I am always tired or I get sick again. I'm going to make this happen, and my want and obsession will give me the energy to carry one. Fuck the bitches in my life that think I can't do it or have ever made fun of me. And the exes of my current bf you are going down, he will forget you when he he sees me, after I shed all this fucking fat. This stuff that isn't me, this fat, this parasite. And fuck him, I'll show him, I will make him want me. If I have to slap him and say, "Here! Look, this is your girlfriend. See my hot body? I'm like a fucking blonde Megan Fox. Except I'm here straddling you. Want me now?"
This is gonna happen Ladies. I can do this if I am hyper aware, and I will, because I want to be hyper aware, I want this to become the focal point of my life again. Because then I don't slip up, my success makes me a million times more happy, and they make me want to get up and do it again and try harder.
I want to get to....129 by Valentine's day...at the least.

Slowly but surely.

Making progress, back down to 136.8. Going to hit the gym more this week. I just get so tired, any advice? Mila Kunis is wonderful thinspo, by the way. I can't wait to be skinny!

Pink Strip.

I got a pink highlight in my hair today, and bleached it. I don't see what the hell is so complicated in showing the fucking hairdresser a pic of a girl with her hair completely bleached and then I say "I want that hair". Then the hairdresser gives me fucking bleached highlights...yeah it's lighter than it was but not how I wanted it...fucking...wow.
On top of all this, I don't know about him. Sometimes I feel like it would be stronger of me, and better for me if I just went my own way.
I've also been cutting down on the eating, yay. :)I'll repost my progress in the sidebar and get a starting weight when I get back to school.

Stay strong lovelies <3

Waaaaa!

I'm bleaching my hair tomorrow and getting my eyebrows done...and I'm getting a pink strip in it. Baby pink, not whore pink. I really think this will give me bonus motivation to lose. :) I'm happy, its something I have always wanted to try and I can't wait. :)Here goes nothing!

on tumblr now!

Hey guys, started a bit of a thinspo/me tumblr page. :) I'm aiming for lots of tiny girls and clothes I would like to wear with some star wars and nerdy things that I am in to.

Stay Strong! xx

Listo.

I need....
Fake eyelashes
Eyelash glue
Measuring tape
teeth whitening
to bleach my hair
Fake nails
nail glue
Eyebrows waxed

<3

Kind of getting a jump start.

I'm so hungry, but I've already had some toast with Nutella on it and milk. So good to be back ladies. I must not eat...I can't been looking at thinspo for the last couple days and i can't get enough. The boyfriend and I are going to look at rings on Saturday and I want to feel somewhat fabulous. Like I deserve to look at those glamorous, romantic, shiny things. By the time we get engaged I want to be so slender....so that fat on my fingers doesn't poke out around the rings, and so it can be a small size, fitted to my slender finger.
I know my UGW: 120, but I don't know what my goal date should be. I'll be honest I am probably around 140...so I'm not sure how long it will take me to lose 20 pounds. More than a month I think obviously, but I don't want to give myself too long...I don't want to end up procrastinating. Perhaps setting mini-goals along the way is the best solution. Going to go look at more thinspo now...everything I want to be. :)

To a New Year.

Here's to us, here's to our motives, our secrets, our goals. The reason we follow one another here, comment on each other's posts, and why we can relate. Hopefully, you can relate to what I have to say here. I mean this for the first day I get back to campus and am able to use the gym and eat healthy or eat nothing at all. I will read it the day I get back for further motivation, and hopefully, you all can get some from it as well.

Today I start. After today, I won't be the fat one in the group. I won't ignore the calories my meals, or take food for a regular past time. I will become wary once more. My body will be my fixation, my self-improvement my obsession. After today, I can feel sexy again, feel beautiful. I won't change my outfit from something I really want to wear to something that doesn't show my muffin-top, but is loose and unflattering. I hate this, I need to change. Today is the day I change. I shed my old skin for a new me, a new life. All you who doubted me, you hateful bitches, you self-centered exes. You will all get a wake-up call. I will be better than you all, my discipline will make you all look bad. Yes you, who tried to take him away from me...my arms will finally be smaller than you. Yes you, who called me fat, I will look so good in clothes you will want to scream. Yes you, who thinks your current girlfriend is so much hotter, you will want to stare at me now. Yes you, who are with me, I will be able to keep your eye. I will keep this promise, so I no longer have to be ashamed of what I am, so I can go out and accomplish what I want, so I can look and feel wonderful. So I can lose what isn't me, and reveal who I truly am.