I'm back! :D

Hey all! I apologize for having not posted in so long, last week I ended up in the ER twice and I was throwing up blood and all sorts of fun stuff. But anywho, I'm back. No clue what my weight is now, a little afraid to check since I've slept for pretty much two weeks straight so of course I didn't work out. My stomach is still a little burny so I didn't work out today, but even if it is tomorrow still, I plan on working out. It's really freaking me out that there are only a few more weeks until summer and I know I'm probably back up to 125. So, I suppose this means crunch time for me! Which I am okay with, I usually do better under pressure anyways.

Anywho, I am glad to be back. I missed all my skinnies....and hello to my new followers! :)
Off to go look through gorgeous thinspo! Stay strong girls! :)

Say no to the bacon!

Quiiiick update! So for the rest of the day, I ate probably 70% of an egg salad pita sandwich, and I resisted putting bacon on it so yay me! I also just had a pear a couple minutes ago, just to resist the M&Ms my roommate has. :) The lesser of two evils right? So I dunno how many calories those two have in them but I don't think too many, and I'm working out twice tomorrow again...NO MATTER WHAT. So that's it. :) I even resisted getting candy tonight after dinner! Woo!

Love you all, stay strong skinnies! :)

Almost died in art class...

Yeah, it was that boring. An hour and a half of our professor relying on mostly videos to do the lecture for him, and it just ending up repetitive and irrelevant. *snore snore snore* Any who, no that I am back and alive I must report on my success! 112.6 this morning! Weird eh? I was beyond thrilled. It just encourages me to work out today despite the ugly, ugly weather outside. So far I have eaten: 1 cup of Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal, with a small carton of fat free milk. Total: 280 calories. So tonight when the boy gets here I'll just eat some fruit or something. :)

Ugh, and on that note the boy decided to peruse my blog last night and we got in a nasty little disagreement. We worked it out and we're going to talk it out more today, it was just frustrating because I thought we were on a general understanding about it. He seemed to be more understanding after I calmed down a bit and tried to explain this and why I wanted it, which is good. I know he is just worried, but he doesn't need to be. From what I got out of it he just wants me to actually talk to him about how I'm feeling and not him having to read my blog later during the week to realize what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. My body is a touchy subject (obviously) so I don't just open up and blab about it and what I'm doing with it. Just wish me...or us luck this evening.
Thanks for listening lovelies! I appreciate your support, stay strong! <3

Nutella is too good, but not failure-worthy.

Okay let's make this fast! My boyfriend is chastising me over skype! I love him. :) Anywhosie, I worked out again, another 413 calories down the crapper! :) And for dinner I had a mini Tillamook cheese, and a Nutella and go. I think that's around 280 calories? Still almost 300, maybe I should limit those Nutella things down to twice a week, we'll see. :) My stomach hurts, but in the way where it feels like it's constricting and pained. I missed that and I welcome it. I want it to spread up into the rest of my body like it did last summer and envelope me. Take over my consciousness so I feel it presently all the time, from the time I wake up, to when I go to bed famished and weak, every nerve tingling from the comfort of my bed. I say bring it on. :)

I hope the rest of this week turns out as good, if not better than today! Stay strong lovelies! :)

I think I'll post somethi-....*Zzzzzz*

I have been thinking a lot today lovelies....I think I am just going to start over again. Because I didn't want to post my weight until I was back sitting happy at 120 but I want to keep track of my progress this week, especially with the fun little tracker I added to my blog. :) So I think I will make this week a new start. Currently I am sitting at 124, bleah, but I thought I was going to be 127 or something horrible this morning so it's better than what I had expected. Today all I have eaten has been the usual PB toast and small fruit parfait. I worked out today as well and burned 400 calories. I might work out again, but if I do I'm going to eat a little fruit....bleah I posted I have to work out twice today so I might just end up doing that. I'm so tired...I had a bunch of wonderful ideas about stuff I was going to post today but I fell asleep one sentence into this post so I forgetsies! I love you all! And hello to my new followers!!! *waggles fingers* I'll probably zonk out after this, but I'll post if I think of anything else if I think of anything.

Stay strong skinnies! I hope you are all having a wonderful day! :)

A dose of reality with some ranting at the end! :D

Hey all! I'm sorry for my very sporadic posts at best. I am very sorry for what I have to now tell you. I ate so much this weekend. So. Much. The baby shower had tons of food, my grandma's birthday was this weekend to so of course there was cake and a special dinner. Also, I went to the boy's grandparents house with a substantial amount of his family there and we had a huge dinner. Shoot me. I don't even know how much I weigh at the moment. I'm afraid to step on the scale.
Good news though, is that I did get my hair cut and I love it. :) And so far, I have gotten nothing but compliments on it. I also feel though, however, that it accentuates my chubby cheeks, because there is no long hair to sort of veil them. If I had visible cheekbones though, I would look even better with this hair. So this could be another piece of motivation for me I suppose.
I am so disgusted with myself. No more breaks, no more going easy on myself. I only have one midterm this week so I just need to suck it up. I'm going to make some rules on here to follow, and I HAVE to post if I break any of them.
-No pizza (pizza is my favorite food)
-No ice cream or frozen yogurt
-No cake or pie
-If I get a sandwich from the deli, I can only do so when the boy comes over and only eat half of it.
-Nothing from the "buffet" except salad
-No sausage, bacon, or rice.
-If I get eggs, that's it, nothing else.
-No soft drinks except diet, and aside from that, water.
-No hamburgers or fries
-No hot dogs
-No candy
-I can only have those Nutella packs once a day and that counts as two meals. (so only one meal left)
-Work out twice a day on Mondays and Wednesdays (at least for this week) and every other day work out at least once (including Friday)
-No fast food. Period.
As these rules seem fairly obvious, I think it will help me with staying on track. This will work, I won't fail myself anymore. And this time, I have a system to back up my actions. And the last rule:
-Start reporting on weekends to eliminate binging.
*Rant Warning*
The last one should kick it in the ass too. I should look at this as a positive step. At first a step back but this will make things more permanent. Wish me luck! I WILL report if I have broken any of these rules, I promise. I will do this, I need to. I'm done undoing my work over and over. This is it, and I don't care how much he tries to coerce me to be "healthy" or how much he says "how skinny I am". I don't care how much I feel like passing out or how tired or hungry I am. I have to suffer after binging so hard. The only thing I am listening to is myself and Ana. No room for indulgence. This starts tomorrow morning and I'll be damned if this isn't the most determined I have ever been. He will see my hip bones, and my ribs, the way my stomach sinks in, my face shrinking and my cheekbones starting to show. And he will worry and I will know I am doing well...becoming what I have always wanted and needed. Thin, beautiful, pure.

Chop it all off!!!

Okay dolls! So I thought I might post a pic of what my hair is going to look like after Saturday morning ( The one on the left)! After I get it cut, I get to make a public appearance as well...joy! The boy's sister's baby shower is that afternoon. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, just a little nervous how his parents will react.

And of course I wanted to respond to your comments from today. :)

aelove- Thank you for your concern! I am a lot better now. :) I really hope it does look good! Crossing my fingers. :)

Skinny_legs- Thank you for your comment! And you're so right, no more excuses, that's really all I have been doing, finding excuses. Thanks for your support! :)