My Little Ana Breakfast.

Nah fuck it, I don't want to delete everything off here. Who am I kidding? Not like I would have the time to do it anyways with finals, boyfriend, hoping to find time to go to the gym and kill myself on the elliptical. I can only cross my fingers for the last. I've gained so much weight over vacation/not caring during school/thanksgiving. It's disgusting, I'm disgusting. So please don't laugh when I post it, I have to if I ever want to lose. So I can keep posting, showing my actual progress, its in print, I can't disappoint myself or my readers. I have people watching.

I want people to be shocked at how skinny I am, gawking and wondering how I do it. So far today I have eaten: A bowl of Special K, and some apple slices. I'm only eating the apple slices now so it will hold me over until after my writing class.

I don't want to go to math today. During presentations on Monday I choked, I could hear people snickering, and hear myself mumbling more, stuttering, getting lost in the words I was reading, losing my place..failing. When I sat down again, I could hear the guys behind me making fun of me, mocking me. They didn't have to tell me how poorly I did, I already knew. If only everyone knew why I did so bad, because I was fatigued, insecure, hating myself, so stupid. Hell, right before I even left for class I cried because I looked at myself in those jeans and that shirt and realized how wide I am..I am so fat. But I walked out the door and stood in front of those fools anyways, not like they understood how hard it was for me though. After my utter failure, I had to focus on not crying, taking all my concentration. I fell into my dark place then: "I shouldn't be here. Just do it when you get back to your room, no one will miss you."

So please, when I post this number, don't be like the people in my math class. Don't mock me for something I couldn't help at the time, but I am now. Please know I am working on it and I know I must be a disappointment to you all, but I want my progress to show you I'm not, that I can do this. So...

Ugly and Fat: 137.8

I will change my current weight and goal weight on the sidebar. <3 you all.